poison

2005-08-20T14:36:00.000+08:00

Here.
New Blog.
dom-e-nation.blogspot.com

2005-08-06T16:51:00.000+08:00

I've forgiven you.
I hope you forgive me.
Sorry for taking such a long time.
It was stupid of me.
Stupid stupid stupid.

I'm sorry.

2005-08-04T19:19:00.000+08:00

Hello.
You look so familiar.
That face.Those eyes of hate.
There's not one.
There's seven.

Seven.
Seven.
Seven.
Seven.

Seven.
Seven.
Seven!

This is my fate.
Completion
number
7.

2005-07-19T18:47:00.000+08:00

Carbon Copy

Orange to grey.
Dying colours in the dirty church.
Lost on the friday.
Left crying in the dirt.

Nothing left to say.
Like demons in Frankfurt.
Been calling out may-day.
All you could do was smirk.

Love in the bullet's way.
Primitive ends on verge.
Hung on the hate.
Bury it into the hurt.

Black in the demon's pay,
god and the devil flirts.
As i go,shout hurrah!Hooray!
For no joy was in this love.

Kiss

2005-07-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

Kiss

You'll never understand,
the meaning in the end,
we're standing at the gate,
you'll meet the darker fate,

your purity and rage,
your passion and your hate,
you promised more than bliss,
with your God and with your kiss,

I'm on my knees,
I beg your mercy,
my soul is my loss,
I'm well hung from your cross.

Take me,
take me in your arms my love and rape me,
don't hide behind your rage
I know you love me,
and always will,

you're my possession,
of that my love there really is no question,
don't hide behind your rage
I know you love me
and always will,

my better half it's true
has seen the darker side of you,
innocence stripped away,
at least I've the brighter fate...

2005-07-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

OK,here's a little London After Midnight with Kiss.
Enjoy you small pricks.

Not much of an update.Boring skin.Maybe i'll put up some pictures.
I'm lazy to do the links.So if you guys want your links up,just hit me up on the taggie.

I'm not really gonna change my style of writing in here.Maybe here and there...If you don't like it?Then go do something else.Like maybe click back or go to newgrounds.com.

Right now,
I'm pretty busy with my o's.So not really much updates here and there.But i'd like to share my music tastes with you people.So i'll change the music around here quite often.

Ok,now go a banana.

2005-07-04T16:11:00.000+08:00

Ah.Industrial.

2005-07-03T22:04:00.000+08:00

For all you niggas out there.Here's a little of Death In June for you.
Enjoy you bitches.

I'm bored.

2005-06-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

Listen to the sound in your head.

Listen.

Does it sound like this?

Yeah.

Its a sound too.
Find it.
-
I don't know what i'd do without you.

2005-06-29T16:59:00.000+08:00

She was so heavy,
she fell out the car.
I was so stupid,
I stood in charge.
Hold on to me,
I won't let you scar.
Let me die,
it won't get far.

Live on by the twenty eight.
There's no thirtieth.
This is his killing spree,all love no hate.
Just as the devil when he gave birth.

Somewhere in the world now,it's raining.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is happy.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is sad.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is saved.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is lost.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is sound asleep.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is wandering.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is loved.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is heartbroken.
Somewhere in the world now,someone is suicidal.

2005-06-24T11:04:00.000+08:00

Here's a little of yesterday's breaking session.
I love 1990s.
-

It was nearly picture perfect.

-

2005-06-22T14:43:00.000+08:00

Clothes are for pansies. This whole world is full of pansies. We came out without clothes. So we should remain with no clothes. But no,the human mind has a HUGE deformity that not wearing clothes is wrong. In a way,clothes make the human heart and mind even more complicated. With no clothes,there'll be lesser differences. There will be no punks,no goths,no nerds,no mats,no bengs,no street wear and yes,no flashers. Especially being in Singapore where the weather is mad hot,wearing clothes really is a troublesome necessity.Wearing clothes is being part of the world!But GOD made us without clothes. WE SHOULD NOT BE PART OF THE FLESH AND THE WORLD.As what my hidden Christian alter ego would say. Look at the animals,they all have fur. Just like they are,we have hair!! We should be proud of what our parents gave us,be it how defiling it is just to look at.Thank god for wax.
-

I miss being free.
Will there be another wedding?
Maybe its you that i really need.
And no one else.

-

2005-06-20T13:27:00.000+08:00

Where would you fly,if you were a bird?
Where would you want to see love end?
Where would you like to see God?
Where would you want to drown?
Where would want to make love?
Where would you want to live?
Where would you want to die?

These empty days are filling me with pain
After I left it seems my life is only rain
My heart is longing to the better times
When everything was still so fine

I wonder why it happens so fast
You give your heart away knowing it might not last
I'm still here waiting for the rain to fall
And to see you once again

4000 Rainy Nights
4000 Nights I'd be with you
4000 Rainy Nights with you

I keep your memory in my heart
You give me hope when everything is so dark
That thing nobody can take away
Forever in me
-Stratovarius

2005-06-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

Marc Ecko BBoy Competition.
Fucked up judging i would say so myself.
Much Much MUCH respect to the teams that really deserve it.
You know who you are.

I'd sell my soul for you, babe
For money to burn for you
I'd give you all, and have none, babe
Justa, justa, justa, justa to have you here by me
Children of Bodom

2005-06-14T16:32:00.000+08:00

Four Corners And A Line

Lead him to the exit.
Everyone said that god was a hit.
But all he ever knew was being in a fit.
Forced to the hermit.
The only key was the memories that permit.

[Bridge]
Force him to pass the cup,
or he'll drink it.

[Chorus]
And as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I'll fear no evil.
For i know God is with me.
But I'm walking the other way.
Deeper and deeper into the abyss.
Away and away,
closing the four corners and a line.

Hold him away from the pit.
Hold his hands and not his feet!
Let him lie beneath your seat.
Allow him to die,so he'll live.

[Bridge]
Force him to pass the cup,
or he'll drink it.

[Chorus]
And as i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I'll fear no evil.
For i know that God is with me.
But i'm walking the other way,
Deeper and deeper into the abyss.
Away and away,
closing the four corners and a line.
-

I'm happy to see you this way,
because you deserved it all.

2005-06-13T17:02:00.000+08:00

Black and white.
apple and pear trees.
Paraphanelia of the aged.
Primitive expressions of memories.
Bursting out through the sun dried blood of the fallen.
Protected by a motorcade.
Decay the pictures.
And let it die.
Let it die.
Oh,Let it fucking die.

Please.

Let this cup of suffering pass from me.
It's not difficult.
Especially for you.

Or I'll do it on my very own.

It all makes no sense.
How you say that it's good.
When it's just like that father of lies.
It devours you.It steals.Its kills you.
Perhaps,I believed in a fairy tale version.
But isn't it all the same?

Contradictions of so many kinds.
Yet this is the most extreme.
Driving people mad.
Driving them to death and damnation.

The moon and stars will be bright.
Hopefully they'll shine for me.
I kept them company every night.
Because that's when the bees start to flood my mind.
And sting.
And poison.
And sever.

Ranting in peoms.
It was just some dust of feelings,
Molded by a lousy god into words.

Days and days of judgement.
From empty walls.
With big mouths and closed ears.
Drown me in negativity.
Trust,all but an old layer of paint.
Walls can talk among themselves.

Sarcastic remarks over sarcastic remarks.
Getting tired.
Talking in silence,
no one listens.

Paper and ink,
amounts to lives.
Monetary value for life.
But what's life?

Is this the last?
Maybe.
Little evening.
Emptiness and lines.
Maybe then you'll notice,
How much,
I really needed and loved you.
Then maybe my words,
would mean fucking more.

Maybe then,he'll know,
how much it poisoned me.

Maybe then,they'll know,
how much I gave.

Or maybe i'll just run away from the world.
and into someplace nice.
Someplace where the demons meet God's eyes.

Where it is silent evermore.

Evermore.

Secrets of the heart exposed.
Find me,
with a box and a purse.
Some cards and a love.
Find me.

2005-06-11T15:12:00.000+08:00

Aegean Shores

Reflecting who I am
I see myself again
I see myself in different lives
Time is running short for me
Like they cry out in my eye
Inside the walls my waiting cell

[Bridge:]
Time goes on and see - miracle set free
In my mind, there's someone calling

[Chorus:]
Somewhere I'll fly away
High on wings, I'm gazing from the sky
In silent emptiness
I close my eyes

Tonight in darker symphonies
And serenades I cry
Break through the walls who capture me
Let my spirit cry out in my life!
From the sinking land in pain
Saviours from the sky

[Bridge:]
Time goes on and see - miracle set free
In my mind, there's someone calling

Calling for the cry to mesmerize
Through time

[Chorus:]
Somewhere I'll fly away
High on wings, I'm gazing from the sky
In silent emptiness
I close my eyes [x2]

With my mind, somewhere else I'm waiting
High on wings, I'm gazing from the sky [x2]

Await the Aegean shores

By Pagan's Mind

It's coming closer...Eep.

2005-06-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

6 degrees no more

6 degrees no more.
Silence is my crowd.
Abstain from the man,
and disappear into oneself.

Your saviour is a shadow.
Run into it,you'll never be shallow,
For ever and ever.
No need for chains and ropes.
Release yourself into yourself.
1 is better than 2,3 and 4.
So for now, 6 degrees no more.

2005-06-07T19:46:00.000+08:00

Vice

Comfort me.
Jolt me.
Talk to me.
Hold me.
Love me.
Crush me.

Crush my heart.
Don't let it go!
I'd rather die in your arms.
Then see you go.

Guard me.
Shoot me.
Find me.
Don't lose me.
Hold me.
Love me.
Crush me.

Crush my heart.
Let the blood flow.
I'm killing my counterpart.
To love you so.

2005-06-06T13:39:00.000+08:00

We should all not drink cow's milk.Because cow's milk is ,well, for cows.And milk from the human are meant for humans.But nowadays, about 99.9999% of people drink cow's milk other than babies.But think about it for a moment.Imagine drinking milk from a lady's breast.Not too appetising ain't it.But now,think about drinking milk from a cow's udder.Now that just freaks me out.Yeah yeah,with all the commercialised packaging that dairy companies have been applying on cows milk,its not easy to recognise that cow's milk really IS cow's milk.I used to drink cow's milk without really thinking about where it came from.I just figured it was packed like that.And glup glup,one more day to stronger bones.But it just really freaked me out when i really seriously honestly reminded myself that it really is cow's milk.Whats my point in this post?Actually,I myself don't really know.Oh well.

2005-05-29T20:44:00.000+08:00

Me Against The Martyr.

I'm right,
and you're wrong.
Can you hear the song?
I am the light.

Confusion by truths.
Truths by lies.
I trust in you,
so i won't die.

Fight against the bad man.
But what is good?
Blood like butter and jam.
Are you a fool?!

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
It's me against the martyr.
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
It's me against the martyr.

To be continued?Muahahahahaha...

2005-05-27T14:11:00.000+08:00

The Seventh Grassland

Blue skies and dying eyes.
Disappear into the cold night.
Collapse into the empty soul.
And feel the air run cold.

It's just a seventh grassland.
I'll just fall into the six.
It's just a seventh grassland.
It doesn't get any better than this.

White dies and black survives.
Someone says its killing time.
Rise up and swallow me whole.
Show me the way,into your humble abode.

It's just a seventh grassland.
I'll just fall into the six.
It's just a seventh grassland.
It doesn't get any better than this.
It's just a seventh grassland.
I don't know why its such a hit.
It's just a seventh grassland.
Perhaps,maybe it doesn't exist.

2005-05-25T16:28:00.000+08:00

I remember a long time ago...
She went ice skating.
And i remember rushing down from school to see her.
She never knew i was coming.
I remember when i went to buy lunch.
I saw her.
And my heart ran.
I raced up after lunch.
I sat on one of the little benches near the entrance.
And spotted her.
There she was,gliding on the ice.
With her friends who were trying to keep up.
I was just happy to look at her.
Her smile.Her everything.
I never wanted much.I just wanted her.
Just how much,i guess she would never know.
Then she saw me...

And we talked through a little gap under the plastic protection panel in between the bleachers and the rink.

Heh.

Inertia.
Jia You.
Add Oil.
Let It Burn.
With Passion.

2005-05-23T12:23:00.000+08:00

You know why?Cause the truth is in the bible.
There are truths in fiction books too.

The Doll Master

I'm just a doll.
All plastic and fake.
I thought you'd never let me fall.
Puts on smiles and jade.

Find me in the room.
All sunken and frayed.
Faced with uncertain doom.
With all the memories in my head.

Playing with me,
my only comfort.
Wearing me thin,
from inside.
I don't mind.
Do you?

No, you don't.
But somehow,i wished you did.

Insignificant one.
Switching between alter egos.
Find me.
And accept me.

Just Wanted You To Be.

2005-05-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

You could've been a man.
And made things different.
OR a woman,who made the man see.

You could've been someone,
i knew.
Or someone that made me know.

You could've been holding your special someone.
Looking at her eyes.
While she looked at yours.

Sometimes,
we don't make it at all.
Sometimes,
we think we won't fall.
Sometimes,
we don't get to think at all.

I just wanted you to be.
To be.
Just wanted you to be.

Click HERE to understand me.(Yes,it's gory.)

Aborted babies.
It should be called an epidemic.

Heh.

Damn.

Is it easier for you to say sorry or just goodbye?

2005-05-16T16:55:00.000+08:00

Fed through a rusting pipe.
5 points,losing hype.
Overdose me.Give me life.
Psychedelic colours and signs.
Throw away your christ.

If i could kill all of you,i would.

2005-05-12T19:33:00.000+08:00

It's not mine.I'll never have it.You deprived me.

Weight on Feathers.
I have to make them stay.
Weight on Feathers.
Oh so pain.
Weight on Feathers.
Its blown away.
Weight on Feathers.
Comfortable decay.

2005-05-03T15:44:00.000+08:00

Empower me.

You laugh at me because I'm different.I laugh at all of you,because you're all the same.

2005-04-27T17:24:00.000+08:00

I broke a little girl's heart.
Even though she shed my tears.
Broke her into shards.
Not realising my fear.
She held me together with bolts and nuts.
And she was my gear.
I tore myself apart.
And put the blame on her.

Its too late.

All i see now is your ghost.

Ok,enough of stupid poems.Here's something for the masses.MORE COMPLAINTS!

Woke up feeling wasted as per usual today.And school started once again with it's stupid talks and sermons.Our school did rather well at SYF.Even though i don't think that affects me other than having a day off from school as a reward.But it's basically screwed up by Ms Phua and her superbly irritating chemistry remedials.Why irritating?Well,she talks so fast,i think she can overtake Jin Tha MC in Freestyle Friday MC Battles if you know what i'm talking about.But i don't know why she has to put the lessons so early.Its a school day off!!The weather's getting a lil more than humid now.Its the ultimate weather for creating sticky skin.Yummy.Definitely difficult to study in this kind of weather.

Oh yeah,two of my classmates were having a "JUDO" match at the side of the classroom.Yeah,it's stupid.Maybe they see their futures in being bouncers.I can't help but winch at the sight of them trying to grab unto each other.And trying not to look embarrased when one loses to the other.

In the humid confined space of a classroom.Two Men face against one another in a battle to the death.Their faces or concentration.Their grabbing arms of only one aim,to overthrow the other party.Only one chance.Desperation?Anger?Revenge?Or the aim to save the world?

JIREH GOH
.
YEO CHENG HENG
.
IN
.
ENTER THE STUPIDITY...!!

Coming to a classroom near you.

OK ok.I'm out.

Exit Light.
Enter Night.
Take My Hand,
And we're off to Neverland.

2005-04-25T17:35:00.000+08:00

Purple plains and black.
Stuck at the hands.
Music and Noise back to back.
Red at 9 and Black a 3 is damned.

Green is gone.
And White is closed.
Can you hear the demons moan?
Stone angels in justapose!

Blue is creepy.
And Yellow is dreamy.

The farmers just started reaping...

Can you hear the rice weaping?

Just changed my picture.Original picture by Malte.Edited by yours truly.Who,is really sucky at all this shit.

OK,i got nothing to say.And i KNOW i'm a bitch at my blog.And i KNOW that alot of people don't like it or me in particular.But I really don't care.Haha...

Can you fucking hear me?You big blob of shit?

2005-04-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

Fingers lose grip.
Fall into nothingness.
Eyes shut.
And i hear,
the pearly wings of angles.
Coming to get me.
Like i knew it would.
I knew i could trust you.
And I hear them closer now.
I open my eyes.

But the wings that catch me,

are black.

2005-04-18T19:07:00.000+08:00

Forgotten children, conform a new faith,
Avidity and lust controlled by hate.
Never ending search for your shattered sanity,
Souls of Damnation in their own reality.
Slayer

A disgrace on the beyond
That can never be undone
Who shall rise and unveil
The Facade of Reality?
Epica

Slayer...Woooooo.

2005-04-13T18:28:00.000+08:00

Burn and burn.
Burn and burn.
Turn me to ashes.
For being me,
was the reason.
Apology doesn't exist in our reality.

If you read this,Lady,
please know,i'm sorry for being me.

I'm sorry.

2005-04-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

Sympathise with the good man.
And betray the holy.
Bend evil's hand,
and run into glory.
Perfection shines,
while faults asphyxiates.
The crowds runs blind,
following no piper which dictates.

Selfish spiritual perfections..

No piper.
No leader.
No father.
No dictator.

No God.

.....

But yet again,
is it possible?

2005-04-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

Mirror mirror on the wall.
Who's the fairest of them all?

2005-04-04T11:25:00.000+08:00

BLACK

??Which colour of Death is yours??
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-04-03T14:44:00.000+08:00

I'm back from AQ and even my fingers ache.Woot.Didn't get to make it to finish line.Very very very disappointing.But i guess the only factor that pulled my team down is because one of my team mates was so dehydrated he couldn't even walk much.So we took a long stroll with him throughout the course.Yes,it was very frustrating when you have to wait for him when he is at the base of a hill and you're at the top while letting mosquitoes suck your life juice.Oh well,at least he tried his best.And so did the rest of my team.Nevermind,there's still next year yo!And i'm so touched when i saw Melissa waiting for me there at Junction 8.Haha,well,it sort of brought up my spirits.With much sincerity,thanks!!

Everyone's improving in Inertia!All the way guys!I haven't been breaking for a week or so.Argh.Not gooood.

Rev 13:2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as [the feet] of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.

Rev 13:3 And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast.

2005-04-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

Its another 2 more hours to going to NTU for AQ.But here i am,sniffing like a pthetic little dog for someplace to lay his poop.Damn.The last time i participated in AQ,i was sick too.I'm so frustrated.Someone please pray for my sinful butt that i won't die.Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Fuck it.

2005-03-31T18:57:00.000+08:00

OK,those last two posts were a little out of point.But,I needed an exodus for my feelings.

Tomorrow is AQ day.Its gonna be a long 15km(!!) run at 5,then a kayaking expedition.After that,a cycling trip around some sick lonely place in Singapore.And heading for the finish line in J8.I hope it rains,and i get all soggy and muddy.So when i get back and shower,i know i accomplished something.I know that I beat myself.That i beat the 15km run.And the cold.And the physical fatigue.And the forgetting of pain.

I need a break.I wanna practice flare mills.I wanna practice shoulder to forearm.I wanna danceeee.Breaking in a school toilet just isn't right.

I'm so in need of studying for my Mandarin 'O' level examinations on the 30th of May.In fact,i shouldn't even be here blogging.So then,im out.AHH.

Stranded on the line of awake and asleep.
It seems the only exodus,
is the life I bleed.
Take me far away,
into a dream.
So the voice in me,
never screams.

Dreams are nightmares,
and nightmares are dreams.
So please,
kill me in my sleep.

2005-03-28T17:05:00.000+08:00

I love you in Chinese:
Wo Ai Ni!

I love you in Kurdish:
Asektem!

I love you in Sioux:
Techi 'hila!

I love you in Ukranian:
Ya vas kikhayu!

I love you in Korean:
Na nun tanshinul sarang hamnida!

I love you in Portugese:
Eu te amo!

I love you in Eskimo:
Nagligivaget!

I love you in Welsh:
Rwy'n dy garu di!

I love you in German:
Ich liebe dich!

I love you in Tibetan:
Khyod-la cags-so!

I love you in Burmese:
Chitte!

You get the idea don't you?
Right now,this is the only effort i can afford to show.
Circumstances hold me back, from going 100%.

I love you.
-
Right now,i'm absolutely wasting time sitting in front of the computer listening to Red Lorry Yellow Lorry and eating Jack and Jill potatoe chips.VERY PARI PARI!Soon,i will lock myself in the study chamber where i will be tortured by the 3 chapters of chinese words waiting for me.All for the good of me.Woot.
-
Performed at Tosh's primary school.Nice lobang ah Tosh!Not too bad ah,i screwed up alot though.Finally saw Jordan after like a 3 weeks of session.Jordan,if you only shoot your mouth and not practice,how to get better?!We know you got a girlfriend,but we at least expect you to show up and practice for a day.Next session,you better turn up,or we'll be discussing about banning you.LOL.Seriously,you must come down.Must be straightforward already.Productive critiscm is the way to improve.Jordan,get your lazy ass down for a session.
-
I'm going for BB AQ!Hope i survive the run.Dayuuuum.
-

2005-03-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's her birthday.
Happy 16th birthday girl.
You're loved...

Oh well.That's plain fucking pathetic.
Shit.

2005-03-26T12:46:00.000+08:00

Was reading up on suicide shootings in schools.

Eric Harris.
Dylan Kebold.
Jeff Weiss.

What went through their minds at the time of their suicide?

This is my assumption,
based upon very personal feelings:

Eric Harris with a shotgun through his mouth.Dylan and Jeff with a gun at their temples.Honestly,what a glorious way to die!All that courage put into one action of pulling a simple trigger.And all the pain ended in a moment of a desperate cry of glory.I respect them.In fact,I honour them.Because life is painful,and that suicide is just another medicine.And they chose to take that medication.Bringing along people and aiding them of their pain or,out of jealousy, depriving them of the joy that has been found in life.They're patients of life and not victims of depression.Their aim,maybe,was to instill the feelings of pain,neglect and sorrow that they experince,into people.To let them know what it's like.What it's like to be in torment while seeing others enjoy their lives.

The difference between Muslim extremists and Columbine type massacres,is that Columbine type shooters do things for very personal reasons and causes that are often unknown to many.Muslim extremists do things for the cause that many believe in.Muslim extremists kill for the strive of spiritual perfection.Like the Aum(now the Aleph) cult in Japan.The difference in respect,is that the strive for spiritual perfection to me,is not worthy enough a reason to take the lives of others.The releasing of pain kept inside,is easier for me to understand.Because pain and torment,can drive one desperate.And it will drive one,extremely jealous of another more fortunate party.This silent jealousy and pain,will one day,be extremely unbearable.To a point of desperate insanity.

Just a random thought.
No offence to anyone reading this,
just thought i oughta share what's been keeping me awake.

And yes,suicide maybe a beautiful thing.But it is not the only way out of everything.

-

2005-03-25T10:27:00.000+08:00

Just only yesterday,Mr Ang was bullshitting about how we should all sing the national anthem.Frankly,I cannot stand Singapore's national anthem and pledge.He said that we should let the whole of Woodlands listen to how much we love our country.

Now,that's just crap.

Love is too strong a word.One can never love your country.From a Christian perspective,Mr Ang,you are loving the world.And as a Christian yourself,you should know what that means.But from a normal person's perspective,loving your country means being loyal to your country.And fighting for whatever cause or aim that the government wants to put through.Is loving your country loving the politics,the government and the safe enviroments?No,loving your country is not loving that.Loving your country is loving the people inside it.Your family,your friends,the kids that play on mrt trains(which sometimes,can be very irritating).Singing the national anthem and saying the pledge to me,is stupid.I must say that singing Onward Singapore with empty hearts will definitely not,push Singapore higher up the ladder of piling countries.I don't actually believe that the country i live in,is planned to be fully democratic.Or equal.Or united.Or fair.Or happy.If i don't believe that,i don't think I should be saying the pledge.I shouldn't pledge myself to ideas that are not meant to be really fufilled but just said.

Just a thought...
-

Alot of people think i'm a Satanist.I am not a Satanist.I am only someone who likes to read up on occults and religion.I'm a Christian.But I'm not a strong one.While this interest has always been there,I'm but no less but a newbie to the different religions and their practices.People with different books on religions,can i borrow them?I would like to read them.Thanks!

-

I miss the old Inertia.Alot.

But it's long gone.

Tosh.
Nick.
Ken.
Kok.
Weeter.
Jaws.
Jia.
Me.

Best days,of my life.

2005-03-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

OK,it's close to 11 in the night now.Thought maybe i should just blog about my life, instead of senseless babbling in some form of poetry or something.

Today was CHR sports day.I wouldn't say it was fun but i wouldn't say it was boring.It was simply just a waste of time.You and some eight hundred other teenage kids stuck in a stadium watching people run.While the few hundred kids cheer for whoever is known on the track,the majority spend the whole day socialising with buddies that they get along in school.And when they're feeling bored with whatever they're doing with their pals,they head out,towards the milo van and get a cup of milo which results in the uncomfortable rubbing together of sweaty bodies.That's definitely not the way sweaty bodies should be rubbing together.EVER.
Not my idea of a FUN day.

Oh anyways,how can anyone be best friends with you after talking to you for two days?If two days would be sufficient,i would have billions of best friends now.In fact,being best friends need a specific feeling.And it sure doesn't feel good when you're being followed by a person who treats you like a best friend when you really actually want her to go away.Alycia,don't dream.Be realistic.I know now we're of different worlds now.But,i hope you get it clear why i did things.If not,i swear I'm going to cock slap you one day.

I feel so much more better getting that off my chest.Woot.

OK ok,enough of my bitchin.Time for yours,if there's anything,just tag it up.

2005-03-20T19:34:00.000+08:00

Wolf under sheep's clothing,
possesed.
The FFF.
RFID Chips.
Or simply barcodes.
Forced upon,
all mankind.
All follow.
Except the few,
for they have a cause.
In the facade of peace,
destroys the chosen.
Cross of Nero.
Beware,
it is already here.
Run for shelter,
fire falls from skies.
The earth squirms and
the seas stand.
And when,
everything seems the end.
He comes.
I await.

Didn't do much for the weekenend.School is starting up again tomorrow.I feel so blue.Someone save me.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH..

Inertia,JIA YOU!
OK ok,I know my mandarin is always out of intonation.But hey,at least I'm trying!
Hey,i'm planning to print new crew T shirts!Design your own,then we'll see which one owns.Whooooooosh....!

I've got nothing much to blog lately.So i guess till next time then.

2005-03-16T16:48:00.000+08:00

FS3 was dope...Geah!
FTC was dope...Geah!
3Faith was dope...Geah!
GONZA was MAD...GEAHH!!

Inertia made me proud...Geah!!!!!

Qi Lin:
We've come a long way.2 years and still going on strong.Don't quit aight?You did very well in the battle.Started together,we'll quit together.And yes,love sucks.

Zhi Yang:
You piece of stylish shit.I hate you.Your footwork is so nice...I hate you.It's so clean and one of a kind.Dammiiiit.I'm gonna kick your shoe the next time i see you.

Yee Wen:
Eh,u must break more often ok?Next year,we must be good.Everyone at their prime.Break more ahh...Got girl friend already forget your buddies ah....?

Zhi Rong:
I know you are working now.Must be very tiring for you.Don't stop moving ok?I'll be behind you always ah!And uh...I think u need to shave or something. :)

De Hui:
You have a nice pale body.With nice wash board abs that support you when u hold that sexy V Kick.Strong big pale biceps and triceps that hold your sexy masculine body in the air when u hop on those things u call hands.Sexy...I liiiike.

INERTIA!!DON'T STOP MOVING!!WE'RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THERE YET!!!!

Love ya'll...
Zhi Loong.

Samuel:
You are so dope.Thanks for joinin the competition with us.Much love and respect.

And much respect and gratitude to FTC for the support!

2005-03-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the competition.Yet I'm not ready.I'm not feeling like i can actually make it past the first few rounds.I just feel weak.Just hope with all that i have,I won't let my crew mates down.Inertia,all the best.

Selfish you are so.
Bother me not.
Go away.

I miss Esther Ong.I miss Benjamin.Where have you been to for God's promises?

Shine on me.
Burn me away.
Expose your me.

2005-03-10T16:00:00.000+08:00

Silence.
But I'm not alone.
Soul recoils.
Shadow grows.
Craving.
Drug.
Pumps my heart.
Get's it to work.
Gives me life.
Blade.
Decompose death.
Life fluid.
Embalms.
Not free.
Searching for an opening.
Exodus of life.
Scatter away.

2005-03-04T14:51:00.000+08:00

Stairway to Heaven

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

2005-03-03T17:05:00.000+08:00

When you appear, as an angel
looking me down, looking my way
Could you ever kill the pain in my heart?
Even though they say angels don't kill...

Update

Nothing much has happened.
Dad hasn't noticed my piercing...or has he?
Floorskills coming,but i'm not working hard for it...No time i guess...
Changing my skin soon.
I wanna catch Boogeyman.Anyone with the same sentiments?
Screw the O's.I'm so tired.
Not much mood to type out my life.So that's about it.

Till next time.

Damn...I wonder why i love you so much.

2005-02-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

I just wanted to stay with you
I just wanted to feel your breath of grace
I didn't know what to do
I couldn't say anything
when consciousness returned
everything had been washed away
by the tide of time, even you
but the scars of memory never fade away
I can't stop loving you
stop my tears
stop my loving
kill my memories

2005-02-26T21:06:00.000+08:00

Heart of black and red.
And the falling of white chrysanthemums.
This rock,
knows not feelings,of course.
But only dwells upon the sores of the rosegarden.
and
Anger is made up of charcoal.

Draw out,
the Baphomet.
Should I?

Sometimes,i wonder if you do care.
I wonder if you ever took in consideration of my concern.
Was a game more important,
than my need of salvation?
I thought you would be there,
because we were friends at the very least.
You are selfish.
Caring,
was the most dumbest thing,
i ever did.
Seriously,

fuck you.

You ought to know who you are,
IF you ever even read my blog.

2005-02-21T19:14:00.000+08:00

Crazy over Sisters Of Mercy.Damn...No one.Absolutely no one sounds like them.They rock.Now that's what i call goth.

Battlin this friday.Two on Two.Haha...Me and Nick against another two.Woot...It's gonna be fun as hell.

2005-02-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

I see those palms of scars.
They stretch out towards me,
your eyes, they're swollen.
You shouldn't have cried.
I'm not good enough for you.
I try to walk away,
but you hold on to my ankles.
I continue,
hardening my heart.
But you hold on,
never letting me go.

You don't care whether you are dragged across the jagged floor of life.
You don't care of the things i've said.
You don't care of the things i've done.
You don't care about the things i've done to you.

Seeing you,
I just stood there.
Building a wall...
Between you and me.
Made up of bricks of pride and self belief.
So i can never see.

I never walked away...

I heard your muffled cries.
I knew you were crying,
You cried till you were dry.
but no tears appeared.
I heard you scraping the walls with your nails.
And i never knocked down the wall.
I wanted to walk on with life alone,
thinking i could succeed.
But i never started on the journey.
Because i never walked a journey....

You were carrying me all along.

2005-02-18T22:12:00.000+08:00

Credit goes to Bargul from Deviantart for the lovely picture!

I got nothing much to say really...

So anything...just tag it up.

2005-02-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

Suicide.

Where to?

Plug me into reality.

Beast,devoured my soul?

Surreal visions of purple plains.

Hell's best or Heaven's slums?

Towering pyramid of sacrifice.

Loki,is that you?

Coins of God.

There's the other side right?

Engulf me in the shadows.

It's already done.

I haven't been updating for quite some time now...Anyways,

It's been a big week with lots of CNY celebrations.I guess it's not too bad meeting my cousins even though this year was rather dull because not all of my cousins were present.But well,it wasn't all that bad.

School is really beginning to suck.In the past,it was still bearable.Now,it's seriously fucked.Can't wait to get out and over with this shit hole.All the teachers have gone mad.Most of my classmates are corny childish bitch fucks.I'm not the best...but...

B-boying hasn't been really all that kind to me.I'm injured all over the place.Haha...Windmills sure can kill.But,it's all for good i guess.Floorskills is a month away.Just hope we can make it past the first round or something.After that,I'll be happy and start reaching for higher goals.
Inertia and Elite Team,train hard ah...!
The crew is going through it's most united phase at the moment in my opinion.Hope after all the turbulence,everything's settled.

Got a new book from my good friend.Thanks ah...I appreciate it.But lemme return the cash.I don't wanna feel like i owe you or something.It's a very inspiring book about heaven and life after death."The 5 people you meet in heaven" is ultimately the most inspiring book that I've ever come across.I got a quote from it at the second column of my blog.

Caught Constantine with the mates.Not too bad a movie i guess.Rather spiritually awakening.About Heaven and Hell being in the same place but of different dimensions.Oh so true...Our worlds made up of dimensions taht we know of.1st,2nd and 3rd dimensions...That's what we can catch with our normal thinking.But if we were to go further into detail...More dimensions will open up.I remember reading about this in a book of a theory of dimensions in Kinokuniya.Maybe that's the next book I'll get.

OK,i've written enough to offend people.
Till next time then.

2005-02-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

My soul's placebo....

2005-02-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

I think about my life .
and how now there's nothing I won't do.
Just for one more day.
One more day with you.

Everytime I see your face.
Everytime you look my way.
It's like it all falls into place.
Everything feels right .
Everytime I hear your name.
Everytime I feel the same.
It's like it all falls into place.
Everything feels right.

One more day
Just one more day
It's all I need,
just one more day with you...

2005-02-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

Inertia is officially one year old!!And it sure hasn't been an easy year for us.Through all the broken promises and bullshit we've been through.From a huge number of 13 people.It has become only but 6 members representing hard.Everyone of you guys...Nic,Tosh,De Hui,Jordan and Chiro...We've become like brothers.Without you guys,Inertia wouldn't be the same.I love all of you.If i had never met any of you,i would never be what i am.Thank you guys.
Together,we shall head to the top.
Together,we will fufill the promise.
Together,we will never stop moving....

School has been really demanding for me these few days.I'm so exhausted.But i'm doing well with some people.They are giving me the strength to carry on.But boy am i tired.

And oh yeah,i didn't backslide because of someone i know who made comments.You wanna leave,just go!Don't come back,or make things worse.We don't need you. Tell you the truth,you are only making things worse.You're making everyone of us hate you and your beliefs.You are the one instead that made me backslide.Fuck off and not around...

2005-01-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

I'll never forget.
I'll never remember.
You're somewhere in between.
But I'd rather forget.
Because I'm like a vagabond,
that's sleeping outside your door.
Not knowing what his existence means to you.
I'm nothing.
I bleed and i cry.
Maybe if I'm lucky,

I'll just die.
In this little hole that I've dug within my heart....

2005-01-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

Ahhh...The mundanity of school.How i hate it.Sometimes,i wonder whether school is going to give me a purposeful life.

Math lessons.

Physics lessons.

Chemistry lessons.

Singing lessons led my Mr Koh.

Daaaamn.....

Oh...And i've been sexually harassed by none other than the Prada girls.And no...I don't think Kristin loves me.LOL... It's not a case of whether I'm angry or not,but rather,I'm more scared....I've never been sexually harrased before.

Liz asked me to write another poem in another tone.I'll try....but i'm not sure it'll do.Because i'm not feeling particularly happy...or satisfied...or excited...or whatever makes me horny in that case.I'll try,maybe when my mood changes.Maybe.

Tomorrow's the battle.I'm so damn nervous.I hope i don't screw up.Cos screwing up individually=screwing up as a team.I don't wanna let ya'll down.Lets just do our best...

Fuck...I've just heard the dumbest shit in a long time.And its makin me laugh all over.Damn hypocrites.Damn you.Sometimes i wonder why i put up with all your dumb talks and bother to go all the way to the place and feel lost,lonely and empty.That's just bullshit.Plain good ol' bullshit.

OK...I think i'm done bitchin about this and that.

Later.

I never wanted it to ever spoil.
But flies will lay their eggs.
Take your hatred out on me.
Make your victim my head...
You never ever believed in me.

I am your tourniquet....

2005-01-24T20:07:00.000+08:00

Behind those brown eyes,
I see nothing but a dark abyss.
That body,
carry the scars of the pandemonium of life.

It isn't worth it.
Life isn't worth it at all.

Your feet carry the sores and blisters of the long hard road.
Water has no effect on your exhaustion.

Because water plays no part in a corpse.

2005-01-23T17:20:00.000+08:00

Had a friendly battle with Elite Team yesterday.And boy was it fun.They are definitely not called Elite Team for nothing.Hope we can have more sessions together in the future.Learnt alot and oh so inspired by the members of Elite Team.Thanks guys!!This lil battle definitly prepared me for the upcoming competition that's gonna happen on friday.Hopefully we will be able to pass through the first few rounds.Looks like it's breaking everyday for the next week or so..

A pill to make you numb.
A pill to make you dumb.
A pill to make you anyone else...

But all the drugs in this world,
Won't save her from herself.
-Brian Warner

Its been so long since i've been to church.So busy...oh so busy.I'm definitely gonna go this week.

2005-01-19T20:50:00.000+08:00

I wanna live.
I wanna love.
But it's a long hard road outta hell.

You never said that forever,could ever hurt like this...

-M.M

2005-01-18T11:28:00.000+08:00

Here I am,sitting here in front of my computer after receiving a call from Miss Yam questioning my absence from school like only the third week of school and I'm out of shape my.Especially back.Looks like breaking and school don't go together times pretty serious can't move my shoulders properly and my neck is hurting 24/7.Trust my mates to laughed at me...And I'm starting to hate roll back headstands....

School has been pretty good on me for the past three weeks.Not too harsh and not too strenous.It's all good.Except the fact that I'm still going to sit for the O's which seems rather surreal at the moment.

Oh yeah!!Finally found a couple of books by Anton LaVey.I'm oh so in love with it.I'm gonna get ASAP...!

I'm not sure.But i think alot of people know of my blog.Especially of my school mates.I hope not.But anyways...If ya'll are reading this,then so be it.

My heart burns with torment.
I hate myself.
I'm such a liar...
And the only person I hurt was myself.

Burn burn burn...
The angels inside me.
Burn burn burn...
I wanna see you fly with tattered wings.

I'm the judge.
The jury.
The victim.
The guilty.

Putting myself to death.
With unanimous decision.
Through the fire i will walk.
For i'm always guilty.
The pain...i deserve it.
Because i caused harm upon myself.

I close my eyes.
A sign of giving up.
I render myself useless...
And fall deep into the beast's mouth.
Where there will always be regret....

2005-01-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

Worthless, want to, be God,
Loser imitation
Fallen from all grace,
Deceitful lying beast your bound
Lord of maggots,
we rebuke you,
Devil evil no authority
Whatever's bound on earth,
Will in heaven be bound
Enemy of God every knee will bow
Every tongue confess
You're already dead,
Be seen for what you are
Liar, liar, liar, liar
Enemy of God every knee will bow
Every tongue confess

Jesus Christ is Lord...

2005-01-06T21:53:00.000+08:00

Those eyes blind me.
The eyes I see in the mirror.
Somehow,it doesn't look like me.
His heart is empty.

Cold and hardened.

Maybe because you broke it once...
It has never been the same.
And my tears fall onto forsaken lands.

You don't know me.But i wish to know you.
To embrace you...
Is all I could ever want.

It's all i would ever need....

2005-01-04T20:08:00.000+08:00

New Year resolutions.This,i guess is a little late.But i guess i don't need them.Keep your aims in your heart and you will get there.

This year has already been spoilt for me.Just received my D&T assignment for my 'O's.And its like,what,the second friggin day of school?!Thats the number one,numero uno,di yi ge spoiler of the whole damn year.That means i have work to do every week end.Weee...

Yeah....another boring lil post of mine.Just a lil shout out to Inertia:

We have to keep everyone involved.When it's time to break.We break.Time to talk shit and do shit.We do just that.When its time to listen,we listen.We cannot walk the dream unless we devote ourselves totally to what we do.And we cannot always think about ourselves.Sometimes,we need to think for others too.I'm not saying that i'm totally Godly,just that...We must stick together by doing things together not for ourselves,but also,for the rest of the mates.We can achieve what we want,i believe in all of you.

2005-01-03T18:31:00.000+08:00

Ahh...The familiarity of school.The sucky and expensive canteen food.The same humid and boring looking classrooms.But somehow,I really like it.Maybe school isn't so bad after all.What else can i say?Its just the first day of school and that means the first day of studying for my 'O' levels.I don't know.Alot of people have told me that it's just too early to start.But i guess it's always too late.So what really am i doing here,writing this as an update for my blog?Looks like i must kill my mood and just head into my dull lookin room...And listen to The Cure while doing my work.

Some how,The Cure has been the only thing i've been listening to these days.They go so much into feelings and just head straight for it.Pain,anger,joy,warmth...All these feelings expressed in such emotion...It's just amazing.

Oh well...Looks like i gotta start somewhere.I'm going off to do my work now.

Later...

2005-01-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

What a new year.Can't believe I celebrated it when we were supposed to be mourning.The hypocrisy of human beings. All the lives wasted in an instant and as if that ain't enough,the numbers are still rising.It has risen to a point that the WHO has stopped counting the death toll.I won't say that i enjoyed ushering the new year.And i believe my crew didn't too.On that very night,i remember talking about them together.The dead and soon to be forgotten.Their individual lives.The lives that they wanted to live.And the dreams that were yet to be fufilled.

And i seen and heard a couple of people joking about it...

But I'd rather say...

Rest In Peace.

2004-12-28T15:32:00.000+08:00

Time for an update...

Didn't do much for the past few weeks.Been breakin breakin and yeah...more breakin.Got a couple of new routines...I guess it just needs a little more practice.Still can't seem to get back proper king flares.Shoot...Maybe i really lost it.

I also got a new school bag for 60 bucks.I don't know,but i'm pretty happy with the bag.I think De Hui doesn't like his though.De Hui is such a comedian even without him noticing.

Christmas was good.Celebrated it with a superstar.Couldn't believe He took me in...

Changed my blog picture.Is it nice?LOL.I'm not too sure...It's not supposed to create a grim idea.In fact,its supposed to act in the opposite.

Oh well...I guess that's all there is to now.

2004-12-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

Pull Me Away...

2004-12-22T16:18:00.000+08:00

The air's so heavy.
It pressed upon me and suffocated me even more.
The smell of death and dirt chokes me.
The darkness surrounds me like a blanket.

How I wish I could be free...

My nails have peeled off from its fingers.
The blood felt frighteningly cold.
But yet,i seemed so used to it.
I scrape upon the wood above...
Your voice is what drives me.
To see you.

But I'm reminded of myself.
My disfiguration.
How can i ever be on par with you?

The sudden flow of strength and zeal,
Slowly and painfully,

eats off my guilt and self pity.....

Only you,can rescue me.

If only you can hear me.

2004-12-21T23:26:00.000+08:00

"Anniversary"

A year ago today we stood
Above this same awakening world
I held you...
You never wanted me to know
Another year ago today
Before this same awakening world
I held you...
I never meant to let you go
There was a moment
There always is
When time stood still
And always was this...
One endless moment
You turn in pain
And I always let you go
Over and over again...
A year ago tonight we lay
Below this same remembering sky
I kissed you
You never wanted me to know...
Another year ago tonight
Behind this same remembering sky
I kissed you...
I never meant to let you go
Another moment
There always is
As time stands stilland always is this...
One endless moment
You tell me all
And I hold you and I kiss you
And I never let you go
I never let you go......

-the cure

It's always there.Leeching me of my life fluids.Only you can take it off.But you don't know.And you won't know.I wish somehow,

i never let you go.Really....

2004-12-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

Guess it wasn't that long before i updated.Oh well..
Anyways,
just came back from a trip up to Malacca.Was pretty good.just do away with the food.Too salty and everything came in mini little sizes.I had claypot chicken rice for dinner one night.The chicken was really 'bone-y' and the rice came in abundance.The rice was like 10:1 of the chicken.Not that it was a bad thing.Just that the bowl was like only 3 and a half inches.So i guess i was pretty hungry even after that meal.Nothing much to shop for.Malacca looks,feels and smells like 60's Singapore.Even though i wasn't born then,i think i know how sian the feeling was back then.Sorry guys,nothing for ya'll.Next time when i go elsewhere,promise i'll get ya'll something.

Got a couple of invitations to go to some Christmas parties and stuff.Looks like i got a busy Christmas,but i think i know who i'll spend it with.Christmas eve will be for my mates.Will spend the night away at someone's house i guess.We'll see...

Got a couple of ideas for breaking routines...Maybe imma try it tomorrow.

It's late.I'm sleepy...weee.

Found what i needed.Or rather,it found me.

Flowers in the woodland
Soft beneath my feet
I heard her say goodbye and
I Saw the willow's weep
This casket full of memories
Keeps reeling me back in
The sound of the trees they comfort me
Through the wind
If it wasn't today
It would be tomorrow
Those words don't go away
And there's nothing left to say
Let me be strong tonight
And learn to breathe when
You're killing me again
You're killing me again
Running back and forth again...

2004-12-16T23:47:00.000+08:00

I miss ya'll.Everyone of ya'll.Today felt like yesterday.But now it seems that yesterday never existed...Maybe,soon,it will be my turn.I've done enough damage...I'm sorry. But Inertia,let me go find myself.Let me go find a meaning in life.Let me find God.I hope you don't blame me.But i can't take anymore of this endless cycle of torment.I'm sorry that i may have dragged ya'll with me.But,let me go off for awhile.Let me find the truth.Then maybe,i'll be back.That's the only reason i can give...

Love,
Dome.

2004-12-13T23:16:00.000+08:00

Maybe i'm done.I've dragged people down with me.Me...I'm to blame.Maybe i must deny my everything.

Maybe.Just maybe.

2004-12-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

I've seen my fair share of hypocrites and mentors.Hypocrites?Can i consider myself one?For 3 years,been doing shit for the church.Been helping out people.Been encouraging people.But behind all that holy christian bullshit,i was such a hypocrite.But now,i'm gonna stop.I'm gonna be myself.Mentors,oh so many.I can't help but hate the shit outta you people.What makes you so damn great to fucking control me and mentor me?!When you can't settle your own bullshit....?!!Damn...I find it hard to forgive ya'll.Ya'll made me fall so bad.So deep.I don't want to be some fucked up burden for ya'll to carry.I never wanted it.But ya'll made me feel that way.Each one of you,leaving me to fend for myself in this shit.Ya'll said mentors were like friends.But friends don leave one another in shit to fend for themselves.Too hard for ya'll to handle?Then don't help.If ya'll run outta steam,and then leave...Do you know how i feel?!Ever considered how the fuck i ever feel.How the fuck i've tried to handle it myself...

I'm selfish,yeah,i am.

Damn...

2004-12-09T14:38:00.000+08:00

Was alone again yesterday night.Began to watch television when i caught this advertisment on screen.I can't really remember what it was about or what it was for.But I knew the actress in the ad sure looked pretty darn happy and fufilled.That set me to ponder what and why everyone wants a fufilled life.Firstly,whats a fufilled life?Is it having a good job and a nice family?Having those two things would never lead to a fufilled life in my opinion.My opinion of a fufilled life is something that will carry on even after you die and leave this world.Look at all the people with a 'fufilled' life.When they die,are they remembered?No!! Are they forgotten? Yes with a boot to the face!Being fufilled is being remembered for your philosophies,your ideas,your passion,your character.And not just for your money or some materialistic bullshit.Being fulfilled is not having a good degree and a good job only to lose it all when you die.Mahatma Gandhi to me lead a fufilled life.So did Jesus and so did Sidharta Guatama(if thats how you spell it,or put it short Buddha).I don't want fame,i just want to be remembered for being me.That's being fufilled to me.

Maybe,just maybe.

2004-12-07T15:57:00.000+08:00

There is no right or wrong.No good or evil.Just human perception.Religion is what humans created in substitude and fear of death.No one really knows what death really holds.Perhaps at day one of our creation,we already knew what death would bring to us and give us.But as more and more people came about,the 'truth' became distorted like a rumor being passed on.And out with that rumor came about religion.Perhaps death is not such a scary thing.But with all the spices added to it,man began to fear it.And where did the scale of right and wrong come about?Maybe it was what our conscience of being a more intelligent being in this world of dumb animals created.As we begin to taste life and its luxuries,we begin to wonder how we would feel if it would be taken away from us.Take life as the big luxury.When someone wonders what would happen if one dies(using my first point made about death),they start to fear death and that would lead to what many religion would teach.That it is wrong and a sin to take a life.I'm not saying that taking a life is right,but thats just because im held back by the confusion of many religious teachings and the life after death(if there ever is one).And how does one tell right from wrong within the many differences of religion?Many people can say that what the muslim radicals are doing is wrong.But to them,giving their life for God is right.Same goes towards Christianity.People start saying that speaking in tongues is the take over of the devil,but to them it is right and holy.How is it that with the many religions of today,no one has yet to stand up and convince the world of a life after death thats true.Its not that i don't believe in God.I do believe in one.Just that He is out there for you to find when one is really hungry for life.I don't believe in evolution bullshit.How can many years of evolution bring about bodies that are just simply too complicated for luck to manage.If that is so,how come humans triumphed above the rest of the animals if we were one of the last few creatures to ever appear on the planet's surface while the reptilians were here long before one can count.Pure luck?Luck is bullshit.And maybe we would all just die to become dust and earth.And nobody is remembered.And no one would find the meaning of this so called life that we live while everyone tries to find it.No one is spared from this vicious cycle.

Maybe,just maybe.

2004-12-06T01:35:00.000+08:00

Wah...Tomorrow is the battle already.Pretty nervous.But i believe we can do it.Just hope all my routines make the grade.Hope all the practice everyday comes into good use.

Changed my skin.Some errors lurking around thats just pissin me off.I'll do it tml.Im off to sleep now.Later...

Ya'll are my family no matter what.I love everyone of you.Don't fall apart...please.

2004-12-02T13:43:00.000+08:00

We are all nearly out of stamina.Its been really hard to keep close relationships within so many members.But we did it under the drudgery of school.I remember when the crew just started,it was just Tosh,Ken,Nick and I.And there i was with the rest of them in a simple MSN conversation discussing the name of our new crew.From then on,we progressed to gain members and close friends.Dax,Kok,Jia Qi,Jocelyn,Jordan,De Hui,Clarence and now Mikki.And losing members slowly.Nothing pains me more than to see friends become enemies or strangers.even so,i love them all the same.Somehow,i wish i could do something.But everytime i try,things always become worse.But yet knowing that,i find myself trying to resolve things.But nothing helps.If our jokes went overboard,let me do the apologising.If our behaviours went overboard,im sorry.If our language went to "deep",then let me apologise.Inertia,i hope you accept my apologies on everyone's behalf.If there's anything,blame me.Lets not hold grudges....please....

2004-11-25T14:49:00.000+08:00

"How Come" - D12

How come we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We dont barely keep in touch at all
And I dont even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grape vine we even beefin now
After all the years we been down
Aint no way no how, this bullshit can be true
We family and aint a damn thing changed,
unless it's you...

2004-11-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

So....whats next to come?

2004-11-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

Ahh...Time for an update.

Finished my exams not too long ago and even recieved my grades.Guess i did pretty badly.But none the less, I'm gonna work like I've never worked before for my O's.Thats if i can change my lazy ass attitude.Ahh...My class mates having a chalet in which a BBQ is planned!!I'm gonna just go and eat only!!Muahahaha...Hope Kai Meng or someone wun see this,if not they won't let me go.

As for breaking,nothing much has been going down lately.Injured my leg so i guess im down and out for a week or two.I cant even lift my left leg up.I just hope it quickly heals in time for the battle against RNC.

2004-11-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

Every little day.Lives being lost.Lives that could have been put to better use.War is always waged.

Give it to him Eminem:

http://mosh.eminem.com/video/

In our system of the world that we know,we can never reach world peace.It will only be achieved if this world is rid of humans.Humans are a filthy bunch.Greedy for eveything.I dun deny that i ain't greedy.I am.But peace is nothing but a part of our mind map in our heads.It can never be reached.

Never.

2004-11-17T21:30:00.000+08:00

"Warm Safe Place"
Another day
Inside my world
I'm married to
you and this road.
A road that never lets
me sleep .
So theres no way to escape the
demons I am forced to keep.
And then I find you here

Through your eyes
Everything's clear
And I'm home
Inside your arms,
But I'm alone for now.

I mean the best
with what I say.
It doesn't always
sound that way
I never learned to
Work things out cause
In my family all we
Ever seem to do is shout

But then I find you here
Through your eyes,
everythings clear
And I'm home
inside your arms,
but I'm alone for now.

And when I try to sleep-
the drugs I take
are killing me - I think of you
to ease my pain -
but you're so far-
Now it's time to say goodbye.
I love you baby
please don't cry -
'cause then I'll find you here -
Through your eyes everythings clear -
and I'm home inside your arms - but I'm alone for now.
But then I find you here
Through your eyes,
everythings clear
And I'm home
inside your arms,
but I'm alone for now.
-Staind-

2004-11-14T16:01:00.000+08:00

I'm slowly crossing to the other end once again.
The passageway that always leads to no where.
Yet promising a final destination.
I've let down so many,
and thus,letting them know that they were right.
I've been given the choice.
But yet one path is always so easy.

So easy.
So nice.
So satisfying...

I saw you walking the harder path.
I want to be with you.
I want to be like you.

But thats only one of many of my distorted memories.

2004-11-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

The blood tasted good.
I remember the taste as it was.
Shockingly sweet but yet with a strong metallic taste.
The pain had already played itself out.
What was left was nothing but a sense of triumph over my own pain.
That satisfaction.That anger all being extinguished with a short moment of pain.
Maybe its the reason why i'm always angry nowadays.
Because i can't cut away the pain.
But,now i find myself yearning for the blood...

The pain.

But i must never go back.
I must find another alternative.....
And i think i found it.

2004-11-09T15:34:00.000+08:00

Nickelback
-Woke Up This Morning-

I paid my last respects this mornin' on an early grave
Already said goodbye, nothin left to say
A tiny church a tiny town and not a tear was spent
Not how I wanted it, I'm hating all of this

Well I'm hating, all of this
I'm hating, all of this
All of this, all of this
Now I know why, I hide my love from you somedays
No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me
You came along, and tore this world out around me
Looks like you found me
Now I know why
I felt like shit when I woke up this morning

I've been a loser all my life, I'm not about to change
If you don't like, there's the door, nobody made you stay
There ain't a woman on the planet who can deal with it
Just how I wanted it, I'm hating all of this

Well I'm hating, all of this
I'm hating, all of this
All of this, all of this
Now I know why, I hide my love from you somedays
No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me
You came along, and tore this world out around me
Looks like you found me
Now I know why
I felt like shit when I woke up this morning

All of this, All of this
Now I know why, I hide my love from you somedays
No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me
You came along, and tore this world out around me
Looks like you found me
Now I know why
I felt like shit when I woke up this morning

I'm running after an impossible goal.

2004-11-08T13:46:00.000+08:00

Herzblut

Nachts, wenn alles schläft
streu ich dir Sand in deine Augen
Nachts, wenn alles schläft
schenk ich dir einen Traum
Nachts, wenn alles schläft
will ich an deinen Lippen saugen
Nachts, wenn alles schläft
bin ich bei dir
ganz nah

Schenk mir dein Herzblut
Vergieß es für mich
Schick mir die Sintflut
Lass es regnen auf mich

Nachts, wenn alles schläft
bin ich der Hüter deiner Unschuld
Nachts, wenn alles schläft
geb ich gut Acht dass dir nichts geschieht
Nachts, wenn alles schläft
küss ich das Salz aus deinen Wunden
Nachts
Tief nachts

In the night, when everything is sleeping
I sprinkle the sand into your eyes
In the night, when everything is sleeping
I send you a dream
In the night, when everything is sleeping
I want to suck on your lips
In the night, when everything is sleeping
I am by you
very near...

Give me the blood of your heart
Spill it for me
Send me the flood
Let it rain on me

In the night, when everything is sleeping
I am the guardian of your innocence
In the night, when everything is sleeping
I pay attention so that nothing happens to you
In the night, when everything is sleeping
I kiss the salt from your wounds
In the night
Deep in the night...

This goes to you...only to you.But you don't know...

2004-11-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

The weather is becoming cooler.Raining more and more.Just the way i like it.Especially when it rains at night.The raindrops just dropping from the sky.And the lights of the city just looking completely different when put as a back drop with the rain.The lights becoming more slick and long when reflected upon the surface of a shallow puddle.And unto that reflection falls little droplets of rain creating ripples that seem to go on forever.Putting one's face in the drop zone of the rain,seems ever refreshing.And not to mention the chilly weather that creates a counter effect of such comfort when one covers himself in a blanket.Boy...does that feel good.

Shook hands with Mr Khoo Swee Chiow today.It felt great.I wanna be like him one day.Pushing one's maximum and reaching new peaks of personal limits.I want to be one with the outdoors.

Nowadays getting pissed very easily.Don't know whats wrong with me.Maybe it's just the little little emotional heartbreaks that come across in a small but multiple manner.So many at one time.It's so frustrating.Oh well...i'm gonna catch some winks now.

2004-11-03T18:18:00.000+08:00

So pissed with my PS2 now.Just bought GTA San Andreas.As everyone knows,that game is the bomb.And my dumbass PS2 cant load that shit!!Argh!Pretty amazed at myself being pissed over a dumb little thing.But i can't help it!!

Shed a tear in the school toilet today.I'm so upset.So blue.I want so much of a connection in which our feelings were mutual.But i guess,i'm just too afraid to try.Or maybe i myself believe that i can't do it.The best would be just to give up.Yeah,the best for both you and me.

I hate it when the exams are over and we have to go to school.What a waste of life.Everyone just goes to school and play cards or do some other crap all day.Yeah and in the midst of all that "fun",we have to watch out for teachers and listen to them trying to get us to shutup.Its dumb.But they get paid to do it,so its prolly what they deserve.

Haven't really be putting much effort into bboying recently.Most of my mates are preparing for the O's(All the best ya'll).So its been Tosh,Jia,Mikki and Me doing most of the dancing.But Mik and Jia usually come late so its me and Tosh like back in the day.Boy do i miss those times.I remember Tosh,Dax and I were the ones that remained to break after most of Tosh's friends left the scene to pursue something(or nothing?) in life.And every so often we would get busted by the guard and we would just roam around causeway aimlessly.Come to think about it,it has been a long journey in the ways of bboying for each one of us.Each one of us has learnt something valuable in each footstep.And within each footstep is a memory we will never forget.Add everything together,the result is a life.A life from this movement.And this movement helps us to progress in life.When we are low or happy,we express it with the use of our body.I remember BBoy Victor telling me to do flares when i am angry.Up to now,i will never forget that philosophy.I really respect him and his crew mates.For all that they have done and what their personal journey in bboyism has helped them.I don't know,but to many,our dance is just a little capoeira or some stunts done with beats.To me,its a life with beats to help us talk.To help us express our pains and joys.To all those bboys out there,keep the journey hyped...Peaceee.

2004-11-01T11:13:00.000+08:00

Mir scheint dein einziger Defekt ist
dass du so ganz und gar perfekt bist
Du bist meine perfekte Droge
Du, du machst mich high
Du bist meine perfekte Droge
Du, du machst mich frei

It seems to me your only defect is
that you're so completely perfect
You are my perfect drug
You, you make me high.
You are my perfect drug
You, you make me free.

2004-10-29T17:39:00.000+08:00

Damn pissed with my mom now.I know that its mostly my fault that i didn't score well enough to meet her expectations.How i wish this world wouldn't have such a thing like studying or examinations.Its only making the world more complicated.Why do you always think that i don't want to study?Is it because you have this stupid fucked up attitude that i'm the lousiest of the whole God damned family?You never care.Yes,im the most fucked up.I agree.And you gave birth to this little fucked up piece of shit.I thought you would understand.But i was wrong.All those conversations we had only made more misunderstandings.

2004-10-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

Why can't you leave me alone?
I must never go back to you.
I must kill myself.

2004-10-26T09:44:00.000+08:00

Do what you want to do,
Say what you want to say to me.
I know what you'd like
To think of me.
This is not real,
it can't be real.
This thing I feel...
You're threatening
You're threatening
How can I not hate you, hate you.
How can I not be free, be free.
I know deep down inside,
How God reveals himself.
I know deep down inside,
To know him I must kill pride.
Why do you care so much for me,
What's in this for you,
Why can't selfishness rule you,
Like everybody else?
Let go pride, let go pride.
Cannot deny, cannot deny.
This thing I feel, I feel inside..
I know deep down inside,
How God reveals himself.
I know deep down inside,
To know him I must kill pride...

Living Sacrifice
-threatened-

I finally seen you for who you are.How can i not hate you?How guillible i was to believe you.You liar...I was so blind.But God has enabled me to see.I'm not going to resurrect was has been killed.I'm not going to just let you attack me,i'm going to hit you back,like never before.You are already dead,fallen from all grace.I hate you lord of maggots.I want nothing to do with you.I'm so happy to know that you are going to burn.

Three days of free time,had loads of fun.Saturday started as a normal morning.Wake up,have breakfast,watch cartoons.Its been so long since i watched cartoons.I miss being young.After that in the afternoon,paid a visit to Elizabeth's church in Bukit Timah.It was good.So long since i've been to church.Then took Liz's Dad's van back to woodlands to break.SHE called me,and i said i was in Liz's church and when i told Liz to say hi,she hung up.What's more beef than that?Only danced for 30 minutes then the lights in Causeway all started turning off.We got freaked out and made our way out of the building.

Went out with my family to catch a movie at Plaza Sing.Bought a new cd from Trumpet Praise.God knows i'm so deprived of christian cds.I guess i gave so many out to my friends that im left with so little.Watched The Grudge because of my little bro and regretted watching it the same night when i went to sleep.Later on, we made our way to Marina to have a steamboat barbeque dinner.It sure was good.

Monday was quite boring.We were supposed to meet Jia at ten.But Mikki called me in the morning to tell me to meet at eleven.So i did.Well i think i did,met them at twelve because i went to take my contacts.Made our way to Clarence's house to break and study.It was boring.After that Mikki went to work and we met Tosh for dinner and session.Some new combos to add on for the old ones.Pretty happy.Woot.

Aight,im out.

2004-10-23T13:08:00.000+08:00

It's been too long,and all too fast.Just yesterday,it seemed like we were together.That one month,felt like it took a year.I remember your smile and your easy attitude.I remember the whole bunch of chocs that you gave me...I just found out i still haven't finished forgetting you.

The beat resounding in my head,the floor full of dirt.My body had a life of it's own.Everyone else's body i guess felt the same way.Moving,reluctant to stop.For so long,Inertia hadn't had such a big meeting together.This goes out to all of ya'll!

BBoys:

Nic:
Bro,i've seen you go through every little thing life has thrown at you.And you took it directly in the face.Hardly flinching.What was a meeting of strangers about 2 years ago,turned out to be a brotherhood.Its been a tough ride in bboying,but you've improved alot bro!You are truly one with the ground...

Tosh:
Now that i think about it,you are the first person i battled.And it was truly an exchange of experience and style.From then on,the exchange never stopped.It kept going for 7 months.And from that 7 months,we learnt alot from each other.You are a stylist,and don't try to change that.

Kenn:
Mister Ninja.I remember how i got blown away by your headspin and sliced up by your head hollows.It hurt.You inspired me and you led me on a road where i never want to turn back upon.Your bboying is an inspiration to mine and an inspiration to many.Peace...

Clar:
The first person in my whole bboying life to see someone do turtles like nothing.From then on,you suddenly disapeared from the esply scene.And meetign you again,i saw more dope stuff.Head DROPs,coin DROPs,BRAIN drops from too much mass.You had helped me with my spiritual life and provided dope beats.Thanks bro!

DeHui:
You are one perfect student you little *&#@%(*^(* !!First time in my whole life to know someone who studies till 6! #@*&^)^&)*% !! You have some pretty dope stuff!From some disgusting russian holds to nice side freezes!To be honest,i always find you super comical,you can be super serious,but somehow,that seriousness is damn funny.Props man...

Dax:
You are an inspiration to me.How you always persevered on without caring about all the bull thats thrown at you and happens around you.You've improved alot and i'm purely and sincerily impressed.

Jia:
Eh?Put wrong liao...Should be in bgirl section.

Bgirls:

Jia:
Whoa,lets see...where do i start...From elbow airchairs to inverts.What can i say arh?Don't be put down by what Nic says awright?He is joking only.You are very nice to suan though...You can be a very good person to confide in.I see myself sharing with you alot...Thanks for the proper advice and the sharing of good(or bad?) past experiences...!

Jaws:
Wah,the oldest bgirl in Singapore!But still dope all the same.First time i've seen you do rollbacks.Super nice!Your philosophies are simple,but yet,they make lots of sense.Whether they come from quotes or the thought of your mind,they sure are applicable.Jaws,the godmother of Inertia.

Mikki:
The newest in the crew!But yet with a couple of advance moves that are pretty darn good.You were there when i needed help and stood firm by your word.I told you before that i appreciate it alot.And i still do.Thanks mate.

All the best to Kenn,Nick,Clar and Dehui!Do well for your O's!!

Thats all i have to say for today.Later going to Liz's church in Bukit Timah.I'm a little nervous.It's been pretty long since i worshipped in a church.I need a new church and im still asking the Lord to bring me one.Lets see how today goes...

2004-10-21T16:33:00.000+08:00

"You have a choice of being one of God's few successes or one of His thousands of failure."

-Dr Edwin Louis Cole

My spiritual up and downs all rolled into my life,and i come to find that it makes me stronger each time I go low and rise again.Each time i rise,i see a part of God that I've never seen before.Its like im just scraping the tip of the iceberg.Each time he brings me through,I see his character being displayed like the stories in the Bible.Provider,friend,father,comforter,judge and there's more to come as i drift further into his majesty.Its a cycle i guess He has made,not only to test our faith but our character as a whole.

Sometimes,we run so fast and so strong.Our bodies may never be strong enough,but we think we can.And we run so fast,without even paying attention to whats happening.Its time maybe for me to take a stroll,all follow the leader.I've just been too full of myself.But i found out i cant do anything but run the wrong way.There's a powerful leader,i guess it's best to follow him.

I remember the vision of 2 years ago.One Sunday night in Christ Church,he came like a thief.My eyes were closed and i listened to my Pastor's prayer for us.I saw a row of soldiers,marching on and on.Then as my 'view point' changed,it revealed thousands more of these soldiers.In my vision,these soldiers looked as if they just came out of an oil painting.These soldiers marched on and on,without displaying much facial expressions.They marched over mountains and walked on water.I never did hear my Pastor's prayer.My mind just totally zoned into the vision.It was like a vacuum.I bet if you screamed into my ear,i bet i wouldn't budge.Then,pop!I was back into reality.Into earth.I never understood the vision.But i guess this vision's meaning is slowly being revealed to me.And it's a vision that i would base my life on.Thats how i really know God is real and not some figment of our imagination.But has anyone wondered whether we instead,is the figment and not God?Perhaps,one day,we shall on find out on the day of death.What this life is really about and how life actually came about.Somehow,I have this gut feeling that there's a 'Bible Part Two' in the next dimension.I guess everything that we know now,will be totally destroyed and a new world with new dimensions will appear.The concept of time will surely diminish since eternal life will take place.We won't have our bodies anymore since we will leave them on earth when we die.Our looks,will it be like our bodily features in our spirit bodies?Or will God take them all away?Our bodily senses,will it all fade away since our bodies will be abandoned....So many questions,but yet these questions cannot be answered in our realm of life and it's boundaries.Somehow,i wonder if we were only supposed to have spirits and not bodies.Since God provided clothing to men in the beginning.Is this clothing our bodies and our clothings but only a decorative piece of cloth?These questions,will only be answered upon death.Maybe death is not such a bad thing after all.I'm not embracing death,but its something that i'm just fascinated by.I don't wanna create any arguements.But thats just a thought of the day.

But right now,Im just gonna continue to try and look towards his face as i proceed with life.If i keep falling,then im just gonna die trying.The battle with the flesh may be just something that i have placed too much importance for.Maybe if i just hand it to him,he will just flick it away.Lets see then.

2004-10-20T13:42:00.000+08:00

Its been pretty long since i updated.Nothing much has been happening.Got my new kicks.Looks very "mat-y",but i still love em all the same.Its pretty comfy and its mad light.Didn't really manage to get any new moves or routines.Been too busy to think about it since most of my mind is filled with thoughts about the dumb EOY examinations.

Yesterday went out with the crew.We danced awhile in Causeway,then got chased by the guard as normal.Blew my top at them about not bringing the radio.But i guess there's no one to blame,so i'm really sorry!After that had dinner at the usual table.Been considering whether i should tag our name there.Hehehe...Would be pretty fun to do so...Then went to the library to study.Well,we did study.But we also did take various dumb looking pictures which i think Mikki hosted in her blog.After that went to take a couple of pictures with one another.So fun...I miss my crew so much.

Im still not done with my blog skin so please bear with me.Payce...